I just don't know.....

When I had typed in my last post about my being in a funk mood, I am serious. I don't know what the problem is. Maybe it's the winter, maybe it's the day, maybe it's my hormones, probably it's the not-smoking-anymore thing. All I know is that I feel like crap all day...my stomach is in knots and I just stand in the kitchen and cry saying stupid shit like "I don't know....I just don't know anymore". I feel like I'm going out of mind. I feel like my life is in chaos...I keep coming upstairs and try to clean up my computer room or other rooms and I just walk in circles getting nothing done. I feel like there is all this crap everywhere and everything is a total mess. I have no energy to do anything anyway.

There was this commercial on the radio about quitting smoking and they said you will look better, feel better, have more energy....what a bunch of CRAP that is!! I certainly do NOT feel better. I feel worse. If it wasn't for the smell of cigs that I want out of my life, I would start smoking again. It was the only thing I truly enjoyed...the only thing I really did just for me.

I feel a deep depression and there's a black cloud hanging over me. Whenever I feel like this, usually something really bad happens...almost like a premonition, so it scares the hell out of me when I feel like this.

Anyway, I ended up going to Big Lots and returning some book shelves I bought over the weekend. I'm doing that a lot lately. When I get depressed, I tend to buy crap I don't need and I don't know why...then I end up returning things. I already returned some pictures I bought and I have a couple more I might return. My husband told me tonight that I have to quit buying crap I don't need. He's right...I hate when I do that.

Two years ago today....

Today is the second anniversary of my mother's death. I remember getting to the nursing home a little after noon and the nurse was with her and she told me that she was just about to call me because my mother was nearing the end and would probably pass away before the day was gone. I remember saying no..no and running out of the room. I got ahold of my hus and my brother for them to come. A friend of mine happened to stop by and she stayed with me until they got there. It was at some point after 5:00 that I had a strange feeling that my aunt was there in the room with us. I leaned down and whispered to my mom that I think her sister was there and I asked her if she could see her...then I told her that it was okay to go with her sister...told her I loved her and kissed her forehead. She took one breath and was gone.

I went to the house today and videotaped the house. The realtor said the closing should be next week.

My boss called and I will start work on Monday...now I just hope I have a few outfits I can get into!

I wish I could get out of this funk I am in. My stomach is constantly in knots....like a nervous stomach. I use to smoke to relax, now I'm all tensed up all the time...really sucks!

I do not give a Royal Shit what anyone thinks about the STONES...Just thought I would add a thought or two on the end of my blog. Mick is the sexiest man on this Earth....(as far as I am concerned)...Rolling Stones changed Rock....Rock is what we have now and....I LOVE IT!.....I really have a prob with this shitmusic that theyclaimisrock....yep...it aint rock...and I don't GET IT! Give me some music I can dance to and it's rock....otherwise, you are wasting my time!!

SuperBowl begins.........

Okay....I made it home okay...I really did. Sunday I drove to my son's house and saw them and my little Jayden and Hunter. Michelle and I drove to Big Lots...this really cool whatever-you-want-to-buy-store and I bought them a 3 pc coffee cable set for their living room. My son put the coffee table together and Michelle and I played on the computer and she set me up on some myspace website.

Anyway....so what did I do this weekend?? Well, last night I thought hus and I could watch a video...HaHaHa...so I put some DVD in the machine and watched while he snored....some old 1971 movie with George Segal and Robert Dinero....where Robert played some two-bit part. Some movie where George played a heroin addict...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..it did remind me of my 60's days of drugs and rock n roll....Drugs suck...Rock n Roll RULES!!! HEY!!! Rolling Stones are playing at the SuperBowl next Sunday!!!!!!!...I mean, how exactly is cool is THAT????

Heavenly Spirits....or Bottled Spirits?????

Tonight my girlfriend and I held a "good-bye" to my mom's house night. I know that the closing date is closing in, so I told my friend that I needed her to come to the house with me tonight and do a kinda seance with me. So we met and I set up the audio recorder in my mom's bedroom and pushed record to hopefully pick up her "voice". I already did it in the kitchen although I haven't played it back yet, so tonight I recorded the other side of the tape. Then we left the house and went shopping at Big Lots and we founds lots of pictures for my new cottage...then we went to dinner and had soup and salad.....I mean, all you can eat soup! and this huge humongous bowl of salad...I couldn't believe it. Hell, we were already full of all the soup we devoured, then they bring us these huge bowls of salad...I had the grilled chicken and she had the Julienne. These bowls were not just big salad bowls...they were the kind of bowls you could serve 4 people!! of salad....So we stuffed ourselves with soup, salad, crackers and bread and then waddled off to my mom's house.

We lit candles....I brought my mom's cat (Cleo)'s ashes and we put Cleo on the bay window sill where she always liked to sit and I had pictures of my mom and me and her and Gene (my stepdad who also lived in the house) and set them on the bay windowsill...then we uncorked a bottle of champaigne and made a toast to them and talked to my mom. Then we sat on her couch which is still in the living room and talked and talked about life...her son...our dads...our moms....our life. At one point, my friend stopped me and said she knew her son was there cause there is this particular scent from when he was alive and was on chemo and she smells it once in awhile and knows he is with her...and she could smell the scent while we were talking, and I am already smelling my mom from the couch we are sitting on...so we are crying and talking to them. She only lives 3 blocks from my mom's house, and I imagine that when Johnny went looking for her at her house and she wasn't there then he assumed she might be at my mom's house and came there looking for her! We definitely felt the spirits of John and my mom...oh, and even Cleo when we were there. My girlfriend had walked to the house and got there 15 minutes before I got there and while she was waiting for me to show up she said that she kept hearing this meowing and she knew it was Cleo.....Yes..even Cleo was there with us tonight!

She brought a bottle of champaigne and I brought a bottle of some cheap Boone's Farms wine and that was all we had to drink. We are going to meet there one more time before closing and I am going to take my camcorder and record the whole house!!!(Jaye gave me the idea...thank you!!Jaye!!!)...then I will have the whole entire house to remember...always...forever...

My son has a real estate agent he has worked with in the past. He bought his first house and his second house through him. I met him several times when I would find houses for Randy and he would call Roger and we'd meet up with him to see the houses. Randy called him almost a year ago to have him check on a house for him. Roger checked, advised him not to buy it and said he would get back with him with some listings he can look at...then Randy never heard back from him. When we were at the funeral home tonight, we were talkng with my husband's cousin's daughter and it turns out she works at the same real estate office that Roger did. We knew that he had left Century 21 and switched to another realtor a couple years ago. Anyway, so she tells us that Roger DIED!...almost a year ago....no wonder Randy never heard back from him. I couldn't believe it. I called Randy and told him and he was stunned. Roger was a pretty cool guy...apparently too cool...he lived a fast life and it caught up with him...he died of a heart attack and he was only in his 40's.

I did more of my stair stepper exercises this afternoon. I turned on my Madonna video (the Girly Show concert) and did it to her songs...much easier and more fun. On our way to the funeral place, we stopped at McDonalds and I had one of their chicken salads with their low-fat dressing...it was pretty good.

Well, I'm gonna go read my book...I'm reading this book by David Lewis called "Coming Home". I have to admit it's lots better than those C.S. Lewis books....I'm sorry guys, but I just don't get it...I read the first two books and I think I'll skip the rest. I have them on ebay now. Ciao....

Stairway to heaven............

Later when my hus gets home from work, we are going to a funeral home. His cousin's husband's father passed away. He was 85. So today I'm trying on clothes trying to find something that fits! I am really depressed now. I have this skirt that was a bit too big when I bought it, so it fits now....yippeee...and I have a black blazer I can wear with it. I have GOT to lose some weight before I start work in a couple weeks, or I will have nothing to wear.

Today instead of drinking my usual decaf coffee, I drank some caffeine and feel more wide awake now. I even did my stair stepper exercises for 20 minutes. I have problems when I consume caffeine...my heart starts palpitating and I feel really dizzy and out of it....but I can drink one or maybe two cups. So I had a cup and waited awhile and then had a 1/2 caf/1/2 decaf cup. Maybe it will help me stay awake. I am just so damn tired all the time. I think I have cabin fever. I hate winter...I need sunshine!!

I am hungry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mondays are a do nothing day.....

Would you believe I didn't get my butt out of bed yesterday until 5:00! Then I went downstairs and laid on the couch and snoozed off and on. Then today I got up and after Guiding Light I fell asleep on the couch and finally got dressed this afternoon. I am so lazy. I feel drained and depressed.

I am losing my tan and I need to start going to the tanning salon.

I need to get to the gym.

I need to organize my computer room.

Someday....

Maybe one day.....

Ok...my computer sucks and it is sooooo slowwwww, but I will type whatever is going on in my pathetic life whatever...

My brain is sucking me in...

I am having real problems now...

I want/need my mom....

I had one of my dreams last night...

I dreampt I was with my mom and I was holding her and I knew she was dead and I was waiting for the mortuary people to come....and I saw my dad and he was waiting with me....then she opened her eyes and looked at me...and I knew she was alive and not dead...and they came to take her away...I was screaming and screaming for them NOT to take her....and my dad didn't see her or couldn't see her alive and he looked at me with this sad look on his face and he put his arms around us and he told me it was okay...but I kept trying to tell him that she was ALIVE AND NOT DEAD and he just gave me this look and kept telling me it was okay. The dreams are back and I know cause of this house......I am so dreading sellign it....I feel my mom in it..when I sell it, she willbe gone......................I am crying as I type this.

OK......I went out to dinner and drinks with my girlfriend who lost her son...and between her and me we were both a basket case at the table...I tipped the poor watress good since she had to hear our sob stories.

I have to sell this house and I will....I will do it....but it will be very hard to walk away from it...


OH fuckingshitwho thehellcaressse!!!!

So what did I actually DO today??

Got up at 8:30 .....was at Mervyns parkinglot at 9:00....Hahahahh...still 80% off...hus walked in around 9:30 and we got some good deals. Then I drove to the Dearborn store and got there in time for the final 90% OFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!... and I was in smack dab in the middle of the rush...Litterly made it...I was in line and everyone was getting 80% off and then I was next in line and some guy came up and said now it's 90%off...and I got 90% off...I could'nt believe my luckl!!! So I paid and put my shit in the jeep, went back in and bought way more stuff. Got home around 5:00....

Then youngest son came over with this little dog for us to take in...a male minpin(miniature pincher)..that's another story. We are still thinking about it. Jake is a cutie..and a good dog...only 8#...I would take him in a heartbeat, but mean old husband is an asshole!! Jake is cool!!

I really need to get some sleep..what the hell time is it anyway????

I went to K-Mart today and I am not surprised that they are not doing as well as Walmart or other stores and almost went belly up in bankruptcy (sp?). There are hardly any people shopping there...at least not like the other stores. I only went there today because I had bought a pair of boots in Bay City when I was shopping with my girlfriend over the weekend and decided to return them. I rarely shop at K-Mart....cause I really cannot stand that store. I hate buying something and have people ask me where I got it from and have to say "I bought it at K-Mart"...I'd rather say "I got found a good deal at Walmart" and then they'd say "WOW". Anyway so I go to this K-Mart today....the one in Detroit, I should add....and I have a cart full of things I wanted to try on....a couple bras, a pair of slacks, 2 sweatshirts and a sweater....so I go to the fitting room and the door is locked and nobody around. I stand there waiting and waiting...I started to leave and I hear someone on the speaker asking for assistance at the fitting room. I'm thinking "Oh my gosh, do they have a camera here and they see that I'm leaving the area??" So I wait for the assistance to come....I wait and I wait. Then I see a button with a sign that says "for assistance"...so I pushed the button and a light starts blinking. So I'm standing there waiting for some assistance, and I wait and I wait. Finally I said to hell with it...I put back everything except one sweatshirt, bought it and left. No wonder K-Mart sucks!

When K-Mart first came on the scene many many years ago, it was a place where you could go and get cheaper things...and that was in the day of Hudsons, Winklemans, Federals, Montgomery Wards, Crowleys....places with some class and reputation....so thru the years K-Mart had a stigma of being a cheap place. You really hated to admit that you bought something from K-Mart...it was like a put down. Now they have Walmarts, Targets, Big Lots, Mervyns, Kohls and they have put the nice places with class out of business...so K-Mart fits right in now, but to me it still has a stigma that even Martha Stewart can't change.

Tonight my husband and I went to Lowe's and returned a medicine cabinet I bought, and we found a ceiling fan we both liked and, of course, there were none in stock. They checked and the only store that has any is in Harper Woods, wherever the hell that is...so they gave me a map and I'm driving there tomorrow to get it. Then we went to the house and put the two chairs out at the curb and brought the dresser home.

I am so bored with this computer....I really hate it....I am giving some serious thought to getting rid of it and going back to my pre-computer days when I had more time. Like right now, I should not be wasting my time on this computer...I should be in bed, maybe reading a good book. Anyway, I am only getting on this computer once a day...check emails, read a few blogs, check my ebay, maybe post a blog and that's it. One thing for sure, if and when my computer totally crashes, it's out of here...I will not buy a new one. When I'm in Caseville, I have no computer and I'm fine. I have so much more time to myself. I don't miss it at all.

Weekend Deliveries...

I had a great long weekend in Caseville. I had called Art Van before I left on Friday to confirm delivery. Lucky I did....they had the address wrong! I met the delivery guys on Saturday. There weren't any problems with the mattress guys. They said they would be there early in the afternoon and they were there by 1:00. The Art Van guys called and said they would be there between 11:00 - 3:00, so I get my ass up early and get over there by 11:00. By 3:00 no Art Van guys...so I left and drove back to my condo and called the store. They got ahold of the guys (probably in some bar having a late lunch) and they said they would be there in 15 minutes...so I drove back and they finally arrived at almost 4:00. I was not too happy. I had sat there all day wasting my time. My girlfriend was waiting for me to call so we could hook up and DO SOMETHING. So eventually we got together and drove to Bad Axe, got something to eat and shopped. There was no point in her waiting with me at the cottage. There is no water....I was peeing in a bucket of water as it was and tossing it over the fence...LOL...oh, GROSS!!!

Sunday we drove to Bay City and shopped some more. I bought the cutest adorablest gnome to put by my front door.

Also Saturday night I almost hit a deer! I'm driving along and this deer just came out of nowhere and ran in front of my car...I slammed on my brake and I thought I may have nicked him on his back leg the way he jumped and turned his head towards me, but I didn't feel anything and I checked my car and there was nothing there. I also turned around and drove back to see if he was laying on the road or anything. He was gone. That was a close call. Most everyone I know who lives up there has at one time hit a deer.

I watched American Idol tonight. I didn't bother watching it last night...there was a good movie on instead. After Rock Star:INXS, AI seems so lame. It's like watching a kiddie show with all the teenie-boppers on it. But I'll watch it if there's nothing else on.

Today I had a dentist appointment for cleaning. I'm glad THAT'S over with! Tomorrow my hus and I are going to the house and throw out the two chairs that are in there and bring home a dresser. The closing should be in a couple weeks. I sure hope so.

Tonight I made eggs and dollar store sausages for dinner.....

I went to the pet store and bought one of those pet carriers for my little dog. You know, the ones that look like a purse and you can carry your dog around with you everywhere. I had a hard time getting her into it. I don't think she liked it. I took it back. Haha...poor baby

Well, that bedspread I bought at Mervyns isn't actually a bedspread, it's a Quilt and therefore does not fit the way I want it to, so it was a total waste of my money. I am so bummed. There are no refunds, no exchanges at Mervyns. I'll end up selling it at the consignment store.

I got the jeep packed with everything. I'm taking the wicker chair I bought at Pier One. I went to the consignment store today and I bought this wrought iron/metal type stand with a green pottery vase that fits into the top and I got that packed to take.

I posted a pic of the new place on my picture site. My scanner is done for...so I can't scan any other pictures. I was going to bid on a scanner exactly like the one I have, but I forgot....

Today, my husband says to me "isn't your top on backwards?"...and yep, sure enough, it was....He reminded me that my mother use to do that when she had the dementia....Oh swell...that's all I need....

I'm leaving tomorrow....hus has no work on Monday so I'll be back then. He's watching the dogs. Have a great weekend...

Two Months today no smoking!!

Ok, so what did I do today?...Mmmmmmmm shopping at Mervyns again! LOL Last night my husband bought a shirt and wanted this other shirt but they didn't have his size, so I happily volunteered to check out the Westland store and see if they would have his size..heehee...So I checked it out, they didn't have it....so I ended up driving to the Dearborn Heights store...Goody, another Mervyns store for me to find more bargains before they close. Anyway, they had the shirt in his size there. I also bought another tablecloth for those round tables I bought and a square Xmas one. And another pair of jeans....I am trying to find those same jeans in a size smaller so when I lose the weight then I will have them to wear. I'll probably hit the Livonia store tomorrow to see if they have them in a size smaller. I also bought a burgandy quilt bedspread for the bed in the new cottage. We saw it last night and hus liked it, so I decided to just get it now and not wait for the price to go down any more...cause I'm afraid it will be gone by then. It was 60% off and the regular price is $130 so I saved a lot as it is. The stores are practically empty now. It is amazing how fast a store gets depleted when they are not restocking. They have signs saying they are closing in 10 days!

I went to that consignment store where I sold a lot of my Xmas things and collected $45!....YES!!!

I really hate making dinners anymore. I just hate, hate, hate it. I'm tired of trying to come up with dinner menus. Who the hell has to eat dinner every single f'ing day?? Tonight I just made some cheapo dollar store fish sticks and french fries. Not great for a diet, but easy as hell to make. They were okay. If my husband wants a good meal, he can take me out to dinner! We have not been out to eat in over a year....excluding his birthday with my son, my son's birthday and when we stopped at Wendy's for a burger when we went to see the Bob-lo boat. We have not been out to eat at a real restaurant just the two of us in OVER A YEAR!....How sad...how pathetic....how f'ing boring......So he can eat frozen fish sticks...........!!!

I did not want to get out of bed today. I have no energy at all anymore it seems. I thought if I quit smoking I would feel better, look better...but I don't. If anything, I feel worse....I am tired all the time. I think the nicotine at least boosted my energy level as well as my metabolism....got my heart going. Now all I want to do is sleep. I'm thinking that maybe the blood pressure pills I'm taking might be the cause to some extent. My hus says they make him tired. And now that I'm not smoking, I probably don't have as high of blood pressure and taking these pills is probably making it too low now. Who knows...all I know is that I feel tired all the time. If I lay down on the couch, I'm out like a light...middle of the day, after dinner...I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep.

and shop...

Today I went to the gym finally. I haven't been there in months and months. They changed some things around and I didn't recognize the place when I first walked in. I did 35 mins on the treadmill at a decent pace. Then I went shopping at Sears and both Mervyns. After dinner, I took my hus there to show him a picture I want to buy, but he wasn't too thrilled about it, so I'll skip it. But I did finally find some jeans that fit so I bought 3 pair. These are the type of jeans that actually go to the waistline, not those low-riser ones that seems to be the only things you can find anymore. Hip hugger jeans were great back in the 60's and I looked damn hot in them, but they aren't so hot when my belly is now hanging over the waistband!...LOL

It was nice seeing Michael J Fox on Boston Legal tonight. He still has a bit of his old spark.....Oh, and I read that Hillary Swank is finally dumping that no talent husband of hers, Chad Lowe. She is so above him....he's just living off her talent and money anyway.

Three more days and I'm leaving for Caseville. Art Van is delivering some furniture on Saturday.....can't wait....

Happy Birthday Elvis....

Didn't do a whole lot over the weekend. I went shopping at various stores. Mervyns is still so tempting to me. I'm spending more money there. They will be gone by Jan 22. There are a couple things I want but I'm waiting for them to mark things down to 75%, so I keep checking. I decided to replace all my bathroom towels, so I bought all new ones at Mervyns. They were 50% plus another 10% off.

My youngest son and his girlfriend stopped over last night for awhile and visited.

I finally took the ornaments off the tree...but I still have it up with the lights on...just one more night, then tomorrow it's coming down. My hus took all the lights down from outside and our inflated snowman. Now I have all these boxes that have to go back UP in the attic. That is such a pain. I really wish I had a basement.

Last night I rented a couple movies, which I personally thought were a bit lame. I rented Mr & Mrs Smith with the "couple of the year"...haha....and "Final Cut" with Robin Williams. They were both so-so...

Today is Elvis's birthday....Happy Birthday Elvis!

Bits and pieces of my day....

I took my camcorder in to be repaired. They say they need to replace some video circuit thingy and some power circuit thingy at a cost of $175, minus the 50 bucks I already gave them to check it out. I figure since I got it as a Xmas gift from my son and didn't pay for it, then I'll pay to have it fixed once.....but if something else goes wrong with it again, then I'm replacing it. Hell, I have hardly even used it. I only have 2 cassettes of recording. I just started a third cassette when it started acting up. And I just got it 2 years ago. What the hell is that???? What kind of cheap crap do they sell?? Oh well....such is life....

I went to "the house" again today to pitch stuff out since tomorrow is garbage day (a day late cause of the holiday). There was a bunch of wood stuff in the rafters in the garage, so I got up on the ladder and got it all down and took it to the street. I also pitched out the old table that my mom use to keep next to her washing machine for her soap and bleach. I had brought it up to the kitchen for my nephew to use when he lived there. I hope someone picks it up and uses it for something...I really hate to think of it in some garbage dump. I filled my jeep up with more stuff to bring home. Mainly crap we needed when we were fixing the place up to sell....and some of my mom's books. Lord, I got so many books here. You would not believe all the damn books she had. She loved to read and she kept every book she ever owned. I got rid of a bunch at the estate sale...pitched out a lot and I hope someone picked them up, gave a bunch to charity....and now I got 3 boxes more of books I will probably sort through and give to charity.

I want to record my mom's house...like in "White Noise"...I had the recorder with me today and totally forgot to do it. I really need to do this before closing day. I bought a bunch of tapes and I am going to turn the recorder on and let it run. Then when I play it back, maybe...maybe I will hear my mom's voice...maybe.

I have an old taperecorder tape that my mom made years ago. It was when my kids were small. I can hear my dad talking and my mom talking....I treasure the tape and hope to God nothing ever happens to it.

I still have my Xmas tree up in my family room. I took all my other stuff down and today I took the tree down in the living room. The only last Xmas thing left I have is my tree in my family room. It looks too pretty to take down. Also, it may be the last year for my tree since I want to start downsizing next year. I walked through my house tonight and I totally MISS all my Xmas stuff!!! I miss my village scene and all my mantel stuff....my gold angel that my Aunt sent me...she died. I miss my apple tree in my dining room.....I miss my gold tree in my living room....I miss all my stuff I have on my wall unit...I miss my gold reindeer and santa...I miss all my Xmas bears....I miss all my Xmas stuff!!! I promise, I will not complain about Xmas next year...I want it all back!!!!!

Oh, my boss called today. I've been expecting his call...he always calls after the holidays to make sure I am still available to work this year. Of course, I am....what the hell else do I do??? Not sure if I mentioned it, but I work for a CPA during tax season. I only work from Feb to April...2 or 3 days a week. Anyway, he told me that he moved. He has been at the same place for most of the time I have worked for him. He's out in Novi now...so now I got to figure out the easiest and fastest way to get there. I have a month til I start working.

So that was my day....nitey nite.....

Just another day in my life......

The cable guy called and explained to me what he thought my problem is with my TV not getting channel 50 and 20. Apparently, with older TV's they sometimes lose their ability to get certain channels and he told me to run my TV through my DVD and see if I get them. I did and sure enough, the stations came in. My TV is probably 10 years old. It is the old rounded screen version. My hus and I have been talking about getting a larger flat-screen TV for over a year now, but our wall unit won't hold a TV larger than 27", which means we will have to also buy a new wall unit....thus, we haven't done jack yet. I'm talkng about regular TV's that have a flat screen, not a totally flat TV. Everytime I refer to a flat screen TV, my hus says it will cost $2000....how lame is he!

Mervyn's is going out of business and selling everything! I got some good deals on damaged jewelry at 90% off...they were easy to fix. They are also selling all their fixtures and display tables, etc. They have these nice round display tables that come apart and can store flat. I went to the Mervyns in Westland and they wanted $25 for the tables so I bought one. So tonight I went to the Livonia store and they are selling them for $10 or 2/$15!! Can ya believe it?? So I told the woman that I already paid $25 for one and I feel I should be able to get another one for nothing. She said..."well, you should have came here first. I'll sell you one for $10." Damn...so I ended up buying two more at 2/$15. I'm going to take them to the cottage and use them for garage sales. Also, I want to downsize my Xmas tree next year, and this table will be perfect to put a tree on. They also were selling long round tablecloths that fit for $5, so I bought a red one for Xmas.

I went to the house today and brought some things home. I still have more stuff to bring back. I mainly have to get some furniture out. My son is taking the one dresser that is still there. But there is also 2 chairs and a couch that need to get pitched out. Everytime I think about walking out of that house for the LAST time, I start crying....I am dreading signing the final papers....but I have to get rid of this house!!!!! I need to close this chapter of my life.

Brrrrrrrrrr....It's cold in here!!

Good Lord what in the hell is going on with the heat bills?? Aren't the oil companies rich enough yet? First, I get a bill for $120 back in October so I turned the thermostat down to 62-64 (from 65-67), then I get a $180 bill so I turned the thermostat down to 60...now I get a bill for over $350! Well, guess where my thermostat is now?...it's set at 55. We also have a gas wall heater that heats the family room and that is where we are most of the time, so setting the thermostat down to 55-60 isn't that big of a deal. But right now in my computer room, I'm freezing!! Sometimes my fingers get so cold, I have to run downstairs and stand by the family room heater to warm them up. I have those things you put at the bottom of doors to keep cold drafts out. I have 4 of them under doors. I have been turning my TV off after Guiding Light ends and not have it run all day....my bill is elec/gas combine...so hoping keeping the TV off most of the day would help. I don't know what else to do except sell the house and move to Arizona or Texas.

Anyway, not only is my scanner not working, but my camcorder is on the fritz as well. So I took no videos at all this Xmas. So I'll have to get it fixed. My cable box totally was shut off so we hooked the cable up the way they want us to, and now I can't get channel 50 (UPN) or channel 20. I complained to the cable company and some cable guy is going to show up tomorrow to see what the problem is.

I gave up on my diet cause of the holidays and I gained another 5 pounds.

So the new year is starting off with a real bang....no scanner, no camcorder, no cable stations, oil companies sucking my money right out of my pocket, and a bigger ass than what I had in 2005.

So what good things have occurred? I'm still not smoking, which accounts for the weight gain, however......and I sold my mom's house at a ridiculous price that I could have done myself without paying some shark realtor.

But we're all healthy!!!!

Out goes the old and in comes the new...as they say...the beginning of a brand new year. 2005 wasn't the best, but it wasn't the worse either; and it ended on a good note anyway. I sold the house and we all had a great time last night. The kids loved their toys. Jayden's main gift that he loved was this electronic drum set I got him. My son has all the band's equipment down in his basement and Jayden loves to play on the drums. This one I got him is on a stand with a microphone and it makes different sounds. He was singing some "ba-ba-ba" song....it was so funny. Hunter's main gift he loved was this Dirt Bike race game you play on TV...you have to get so many points in order to get to the next level and you earn money so you can buy better equipment and parts for the bike so you can do better on the harder levels. He was really good at it. We all stayed up til almost 4 in the morning and then they took Jayden upstairs and went to bed, and Hunter and I stayed up another hour playing that game. We slept on my couch and didn't get up til noon! And they didn't get up til 1:00....

We had watched that Dick Clark's Rockin Eve and even though I'm glad that Dick Clark is improving from his stroke and was able to do the New Year's thing this year, it was still very sad to see the decline he is in from that stroke. I remember coming home from school and watching American Bandstand with him. He never seemed to age through the years.

Since my son is also an ordained minister, I wanted him to do a "pet blessing" on my two doggies. We took them into the living room in front of the fireplace. They were so good...it was as though they knew they were being blessed. Even when my son laid his hand on their heads, they didn't flinch or try to bite him!...haha He also put a cross on their heads with holy water. They just laid there really quiet like they knew. My son is new at this and it was a nice blessing. Good practice for him before he starts doing weddings....LOL

I am so bummed cause my scanner is done for...it's ready for the trash. Now I can't scan pictures...not even pictures for ebay selling. And my computer has an operating system error and the CD-Rom doesn't work, so even if I buy a new scanner, I doubt if I'll be able to use the software for it. This really sucks!

A new year beginning with new problems.....