I just don't know.....

When I had typed in my last post about my being in a funk mood, I am serious. I don't know what the problem is. Maybe it's the winter, maybe it's the day, maybe it's my hormones, probably it's the not-smoking-anymore thing. All I know is that I feel like crap all day...my stomach is in knots and I just stand in the kitchen and cry saying stupid shit like "I don't know....I just don't know anymore". I feel like I'm going out of mind. I feel like my life is in chaos...I keep coming upstairs and try to clean up my computer room or other rooms and I just walk in circles getting nothing done. I feel like there is all this crap everywhere and everything is a total mess. I have no energy to do anything anyway.

There was this commercial on the radio about quitting smoking and they said you will look better, feel better, have more energy....what a bunch of CRAP that is!! I certainly do NOT feel better. I feel worse. If it wasn't for the smell of cigs that I want out of my life, I would start smoking again. It was the only thing I truly enjoyed...the only thing I really did just for me.

I feel a deep depression and there's a black cloud hanging over me. Whenever I feel like this, usually something really bad happens...almost like a premonition, so it scares the hell out of me when I feel like this.

Anyway, I ended up going to Big Lots and returning some book shelves I bought over the weekend. I'm doing that a lot lately. When I get depressed, I tend to buy crap I don't need and I don't know why...then I end up returning things. I already returned some pictures I bought and I have a couple more I might return. My husband told me tonight that I have to quit buying crap I don't need. He's right...I hate when I do that.