I'm leaving tomorrow for Caseville for the Harley Festival in Elkton, and I'm suppose to be packing right now and I came upstairs to get my luggage and now I'm on this computer and haven't done a damn thing. I have nothing to wear, anyway....I've outgained all my jeans...I tried on all my jeans today (major bad thing to do when you are already depressed, I know), and I only have 4 jeans that fit, and one pair has the button missing...probably popped off the last time I wore them! I pitched out more clothes...about 5 more pair of jeans...one pair I still had was a size 4...laughed my big fat ass over them when I saw them....I actually could wear them like 6 years ago. 6 years and menopause later, they don't fit anymore....OUT they go. I remember it was 6 years ago, cause that is when I had my class reunion in 1999 and I wore my size 4 shorts to the picnic. I sold those at my sale. Anyway, now most of my size 6's don't fit...and some size 7's are snug...what the hell is going on???????.....mmmmmmm, could it be the beer?...the pizza?.....the fact that I haven't even been to the gym in 6 months???? Whatever....

So today I am still in this depressed state of mind...really bad....had to buy cigs and I barely made it to the store...on the verge of tears the whole time I was driving. I hate even going anywhere when I'm like this. I was going to go to the store and buy computer paper, but couldn't...so I just drove home. Went through some closets and pitched out more stuff.

This really is not a good weekend for me at all. Sunday is my anniversary. 23 years ago on my anniversary our little puppy, Dusty, died. He died on our anniversary, Sept 18. Very sad...I cry everytime I think of it. He is buried in our backyard, and that is why we will probably never sell the house.

Dusty was only 4 months old. He was 2 months old when we got him. He was a pomeranian. I always wanted a Pomeranian and my husband said there was no way he was going to own one of those yiping, ankle-biter dogs. I had been at a garage sale and the female was going to have puppies....so I went back in July and dragged my husband with me. He saw him and fell in love so we took him home. He was a happy go-lucky puppy....he had my husband wrapped around his little paw. He would run to the door when he came home and jump all over for him to pick him up. He was so happy with us. We were good dog-parents. I took him in for all his shots like a responsible owner. He had gotten the whole series of shots....the parvo shot included. The vet told me to bring him back in a month for a booster parvo shot. I really did not think it was necessary, but wanted to do the right thing. A month later, I had a bad feeling and almost called the vet to cancel....but I figured I may as well take him and get it over with. He was so happy that day. I took him in....she gave him the booster shot. Two days later, he was sick. He was vomiting...had bloody diarhea. The vet was closed so I called the emergency vet. She asked if he had his parvo shot...I told him he did plus the booster just 2 days before. She said that it sounded like parvo, but since he had his shots, then it couldn't be that...she told me to see how he was in the morning and if he was still sick to take him to my regular vet. By morning, he was so bad. I took him to my vet....they did a blood test and it was confirmed that he had parvo. "How??"...."How could he have Parvo??" The vet admitted that sometimes the shot will GIVE them parvo as opposed to PROTECTING them from parvo. Oh my God...I was devastated. I thought I was protecting my baby...and I took him to the vet where they innoculated him with this poison that killed him. It was a Saturday, and the vet was closing early, so we took him to the emergency vet hoping they could do something...anything....they put him on IV's, but he died anyway. I feel so guilty....he trusted me....and I let him down. I should have listened to my instincts that day when I had such a bad feeling about taking him in for that damn booster shot.

I was in bed for a week....I couldn't eat...I lost 7 pounds....my husband couldn't work...he called vets, pet stores, the pharmeceutical company that distributed the parvo shot. They told him that no puppy under the age of 6 months should have that shot!!! That is why my next dog did NOT get that shot until he was closer to 9 months old. It was a very bad time. We needed to find another dog just like him....we searched the ads and found one....a male Pomeranian, wolf-sable...we had our house fumigated for the virus...then we brought him home. He was our Casey...and we had him for almost 14 years. But we will NEVER forget our little Dusty....NEVER....


Dusty Lee Bo.....5-24-82....9-18-82